Consumer Corner

Intermediate collateral? User interfaces? Brand re-alignment? Are we trying to promote the need for a lingua franca? Are the people who once wanted us all to speak Esperanto trying to fill up the workplace with such incomprehensible alternate verbalisationing, that we have to introduce a new language just to grab a tepid chemical toilet based caffeine drink from the 3rd floor Thirst Point?

Will there be room in our mailboxes for real mail ever again? Or will they just hoard rain sodden 'intermediate collateral'? Any marketing department will diligently explain that this means 'leaflets' and that they are targeting early intervention points with brand repositioning (sticking a picture of a new pizza through your letterbox before you get home for tea).

This raises questions for the looming economic depression: why were we ever bothering to gamble money in a giant Alaskan slot machine when we are perfectly capable of losing our entire budgets on numb nuts speak three desks down?

Is this also why we fail to understand youth culture in this country? Are street gangs using their hands to spell postcodes simply because the printed page no longer makes sense and our soon to be repossessed addresses are the only collateral left?

Are we heading for resource-defecit-race-re-alignment-interface? Or the Apocalypse to the rest of us. If so we won't be attending marketing meetings anymore, Esperanto or no; we'll just be listening out for the impending screams of an alienated generation:

"RPG...."!

At least we'll know what one of those is when it shoots us where the sun don't shine. And no, that's not travel market speak for Scotland. It's your arsehole, stupid.