Futureproof

In times of financial crisis for the finances which make up the economy fiscally, we rarely pause to consider the future. But investment must inevitably exist so its worth taking a gander at likely success stories for the years to come.

I have rapidly come to the conclusion that we're simply not killing enough teenagers in PC World.

Given the rise of technology paired with the drive to reduce actual traffic, the information highways will be come the motorways of the next decades. Megastores like PC World will sit as a hub in the middlle of global enterprises swiftly moving gigabytes at ever increased speeds to outdo their rivals. Inside cities on the ground, in the real, physical world outside the wires, only two other activities will remain: people on their way to PC World to get kitted out for the daily technological upgrades and people coming back the other way with a gun, being chased by the police. There may be the odd person who still splashes in a distant park lido but it's unlikely. On the whole we will either be working or marching around en masse, killing teenagers in PC World:

"So how long's the battery life"?

"I'll have to go and ask the manager..."

Three hours later:

"He said three hours"

"It's ran out. And how future proof is it...Actually tell you what. Why don't you stay there and I'll ask the manager. In fact why don't you just go home and ignore people's questions from your sofa"?

Six and a half hours later just as you think it's all over five of them suddenly descend on you like demon voices in a horror movie flashback: 'insure...insure your mouse, insure your mouse mat...insure...'.

Finally you crack and agree to everything and sign the papers just to see the wife and kids again. Then:

"Sorry we don't have that laptop in the warehouse".

In the near future we'll all go through this about five times a week and after a couple of months we will start noticing all our colleagues are quietly talking in shaded corners about shot gun prices.

So get in quick and invest in cheap, disposable, close range, urban weaponry. And I would recommend a bit of target practise in the branch near Tottenham Court Road.