Labour Closing Down Sale - Everything must Go!

It is with great relief this financial columnist can report Labour are finally getting to grips with the deficit and that policies will be robust.

As of the next budget, Labour ministers will be reduced by 10% to cut public spending. Anybody who is 6 foot tall will be shortened to 5 foot 4 to save on food and heating.

In addition the Government will sell off assets to make some much needed cash.

• The complete works of The Proclaimers. 50p
• The Big Book of Really Interesting Trains. £1.25
• How to Avoid Sex for Fifty Years. £1.10
• ‘Staying Alive’ 45 inch single. £1.50
• Badger Hunting on the Urban Common. £3.50
• Inflatable missiles - (they look like real wmds)! £4.33
• David Cameron Voodoo doll (with pins) 75p
• Oil Map of Tripoli. £2.30
• WW2 Luftwaffe Uniform. £17.86
• Karl Marx Playset. £1.40
• Orange Jumpsuits in various sizes. £23.79
• One box of matches £25 000 000 - offer not available until 2011.

Please email Cheryl in HR. Stirling will not be accepted.