Dull is the New Fun

An increasing demographic, when appearing in TV spot interviews, heard in passing conversation outside Netto’s, or filmed sitting on some coach to Benidorm, are telling us their hobbies are ‘DIY’, ‘Gardening’ etc. Millions of potential customers out their are waiting to turn necessities into hobbies because they simply don’t possess the imagination to pick a real one. How long before the personal columns start reading:

“My interests include dining out, followed by a really good shit”?

Okay, you could say gardening is aesthetic because you have to plant stuff in positions. However, if you don't do it - trees come through your house. I'd call 'trees not shooting through the widescreen TV', a necessity.

Varnish drying

But if necessity is the mother of invention and these nouveau hobbyists simply mothers, it’s time to cash in. A whole new cottage industry awaits. (This has nothing to do with George Michael).

Simply target a group of people into, say, plumbing, and write them a magazine. You could use this to suggest they have more than one toilet in the house in positions of pride, and sell them a few of those as well. You could personalise them so that people always urinate on the face of their beloved spouses. Or simply offer them a treat by instalments:

“Build your very own Armitage Shanks in 25 easy steps. U-bend free in Issue one - only £2.50 (£99 thereafter)”.

If that fails, try Heroin Weekly - apparently that's pretty necessary to some people. Soon you'll be able to publish Heroin Daily and after that you'll just hve to try and keep up with news feeds.

If you would like further sound advice on how to exploit this niche market, and how to avoid being one of the exploited, why not by my self-help book, out now for £56.99? (Or fifteen easy instalments of £30.57).