Evening Bog Standard Consumer Cornerby financial columnist Jeremy Upyours.
| Evening Bog Standard Consumer Corner by financial columnist Jeremy Upyours. |
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Work is the New Dole I have a master plan and it's not even last orders yet. I got the idea when I was talking to an office worker who told me this straight from the inside track: "Well, here's a typical day for me: I work for a large charity which has just cut 45% of its staff. I get handed two extra projects, but no extra time. I don't have a leg to stand on. This is because everybody, from the photocopier guy upwards, has a degree or at least so much experience they could manage the fucking building. Everybody's squeezed. Everybody's milked like a goat fed on rubbish and plastic bags. There are so many people exploited to fuck to keep a roof over their heads that they try and carry on with their university debt like a mule without water under a heavy cargo of Mexican coke - and trust me; apart from the scenery and better heating we are talking no difference between Russia during the Wall and central London now, at least in terms of the pressure people are under just to survive and the scant esteem they hold each other in on account of that dog-eat-dog fact. And for this I'm in a society that wants the Tories in, because they say people in work are so much more moral and their lives so much more worthwhile. Absolute fucking horseshit my friend. I don't know anyone in the last two years who does not live in a culture of bullying and distress. The drunk on the street makes no worthwhile change admittedly, but at least they're too arseholed to do as much damage to psychology, economy and culture as the average office building - and that is everybody and everywhere I have ever had the misfortune to work with. Its the UK my friend and that's the whole truth and banging on about scroungers signing on is old hat and dead in the water - work is the new dole".
Having been enlightened by this snippet, I therefore think the measures for financial recovery are more easily defined: Merge the homeless and the addicts, the prisoners, the students, the workers, the families, the universities and the workplaces in one large Tesco. And remove the vote. An X in a box every five years has not made a dent on our march towards the above, so why waste everybody's time with the ballot? The money saved on administration could be used to buy cattle prods, to electrocute people who haven't made enough cold calls saying 'your non-existent credit card application has been approved'. All that remains is to beam that endlessly repeating cold call from the Hubble, as the echo of our legacy, thousands of years on from our first civilisations; our truth resounding like a pin ball machine which ricochets through the endlessly indifferent machinations of space. |
Acknowledgements:
Dick Action is still cool
