Evening Bog Standard Health"Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin"...
with Dr. Mendelsen
with Dr. Mendelsen
| Evening Bog Standard Health "Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin"... with Dr. Mendelsen |
|
Undiplomatic Immunity  This week, Mrs Celia Luxurypatio of Crouch End, North London, writes: "Dear Dr. Mendelsen. I live in North London and I find it hard to choose what to eat, to boost my immune system. Should I be spending more money on blueberries"? Dr Mendelsen replies: First of all you need to understand the utter stupidity of your question and we'll get along a whole lot better. I hear a lot of people yapping their dire need to consume 90 million blueberries a day as if, without them, they will suddenly keel over and die before using up all their daft face creams. What the fuck is meant to be wrong with you people? If you're stupid enough to pay £3 for 10 berries that grow under a bush in a layby off the M25 then its not your immune system that's lacking. As most of you appear to live in a clean home with all utilities and 50k a year, its highly unlikely there's anything wrong with you unless you've fucked your way to various sexual diseases or taken too many grams of coke off the back of your super model friends, but usually those people don't turn up in shops selling wellies with flowers on them, buying sun-twaddled Nepalese tea. Five minutes after spending your £50 on Dr. Fraudulent's magic grow-another-liver-teabags, you'll be round your neighbours expressing oh so politically correct concern about Palestine. If you give so much of a shit why don't you get on a plane and take your blueberries and teabags over there? If you're lying face down in a bomb crater sand with flies coming out your arse then you really need to boost your immune system. If you're sitting around your Dettol drenched Arga (fact) discussing the frightful linguistic variations of the Thames Estuary then you probably don't. If you can't tell the difference then get your hands off the politics surrounding the poor fuckers lying in the sand and let somebody who isn't talking out their bleached ringpiece deal with it. If you keep boosting your pristine immune system when you're already well, you'll eventually develop an allergy to everything (not just homeless people) and you won't be immune to anything anymore...except fucking blueberries. When this happens I could belch five miles away from your berry filled face and you'd keel over and die....actually, suddenly I'm coming round to the idea. Yes: keep stuffing those blueberries and supplements in your face Celia babes and eventually they'll kill you; which means I can take a break from moaning about it. I hope that helps. Next! |