Evening Bog Standard Media Whore
by Cynthia Vacant
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by Cynthia Vacant |
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Last night’s adverts "Stephen Hawkins is just some picky, fact seeking little shit". After taking water enhanced with water for two weeks some women and some blokes asked a D list celebrity to shout meaningless statistics at them: "Ten point six"! "Nooo!! Really"!? I couldn’t believe it! Especially as they hadn’t been told what they had scored ten point six out of. A thousand? Or what their cholestorol level was before or even what it should be, after! There I was under the illusion for years that scientific facts had to be sought before you could tout any old twaddle in front of the general public but no! Obviously Stephen Hawkins is just some picky, fact seeking little shit. What a relief! I don’t have to be healthy or lose weight any more! I just need an immoral woman who hasn’t done TV for ages shouting what I want to hear in my face and hey presto! I am cured! The best thing is: I have absolutely no expectation or anxiety because I don’t even know what I am supposed to have been cured from in the first place! How brilliant is that! I simply shovel the statistics into my mind like a pummy stone drenched by the first desert rain, then go about my day having lost the war between wisdom and oblivion. Therefore I would like to thank all women who haven’t been on TV much recently for shouting numbers in my face. If we now live in a world where it is more rude to say this than to lie to millions on TV in a shitty and patronising way, then life gets so much easier as all dilemmas of morality, law and fair mindedness fly to a distant horizon with their arse set ablaze by a singeing lack of perspective. Its wonderful. Infact its…..4.9! (And that clinches it for me) |