I am delighted to announce that I have overcome all opposition and will be appearing on Question Time next week, as leader of the 'Knack the Ginner' party. Long have we fought for the repatriation of all ginger people back to Ginger Land from whence they did not come in the first place but let's not split hairs.

Ahead of that appearance, I would like to clarify a few misquotes in the press. I never declared that we are a blond party only. I simply asserted the reasonable proposition that ginger people were, en masse, inferior to the rest of us who don't have barbed wire for hair. It has nothing to do in fact with being ginger or not being ginger - hair colour is irrelevant.

Neither did I ever deny the Gingercaust. I only said we didn’t get as many of them as we might have done if we had made them stand under direct sunlight.

Though I want to be clear that I do find ginger people kissing in public a bit 'iffy'. What if they join locks and I'm the one who has to take them to casualty? And yes, Gingivitis is a wicked faith because it treats people who are able to wear orange jumpers as second class citizens and freaks.

It is entirely inappropriate that the future King and sovereignty of this nation is dependent upon one of their kind assuming the throne because let's face it Prince Charles will never touch it with a single hair of his arse as long as the Queen is around to keep flicking his nose and ruining his roses.

You will find, after my TV appearance, that I garner much support throughout the UK, though this will be because I knock on doors and offer to cut the lawn for little old ladies without telling them I want to send their ginger sons and daughters to the moon.

Unlike the political elite in this country, I see no problem in facing up to the Rivers of Ginge as astutely observed by Edna Powell, in the chip shop down the road.